Ode to Michael Kors.

 

Yesterday when I got home from work, this is what awaited me on the living room floor. Just hours before, I had packed this Michael Kors sandal in a box for the move, stopping to admire it as I did so. These sandals are (WERE) beautiful; soft, supple leather with a wedge heel. Probably the most comfortable pair of high heels I've ever owned. But now, they're ruined, eaten by a Weimaraner. A four-year old male Weimaraner named Mies.

I'm not speaking to him for a week I'm so mad. Mies, I know you're probably stressed out due to yet another move in less than a year, but why? Why did you chew open this box in the corner to take out and destroy one of my favorite shoes when there was another box, WIDE OPEN, with more than one pair of shoes going to the Goodwill? Why couldn't you have chewed one of those instead??? Hell, for that matter, why couldn't you have chewed on a grindstone or a slab of granite while you were at it? Wear your teeth down so I don't have to worry about this kind of crap anymore.

Are you mad at me? Do I not give you enough love? Is being the center of my universe not enough for you? Maybe you don't like the bones I bought last week? You're pissed because we kick you off the bed every night and make you sleep in the living room? You think I love Oslo more than I love you? I don't get it, Mies. What gives? You can tell me next weekend when I'm talking to you again.