Was Zum Teufel?!
Tues Apr 22 – This week brings news of falling Barbie sales, cloned Labs, rescued newborns and Hillary bragging about how the U.S. can totally kick Iran’s ass if it wants to. Apparently, while Oslo lost his balls last week, she grew another set. Excuse my French, but she is marketing herself as one bad-ass motherfucker. And it’s kinda scarin’ me.
But anyway, while Oslo and Mies were takin’ it easy today, Barbie was taking a hit. Barbie sales have fallen drastically lately, and some say it’s because at 49, she’s too damn old. And no amount of Botox or Restalyne is going to bring her back.
Oslo read that Mattel is trying to revive sales by introducing interactive elements to the Barbie line. He thinks they should just add two Weimaraner dolls and a few squirrels in each Barbie box. That should take care of it….
Wed Apr 23 – In today’s news, Oslo and Mies continue to go nuts over east coast squirrels which is very puzzling because in Seattle, they couldn’t have cared less about squirrels. They never even noticed them, let alone dislocated my shoulder while trying to chase them. I mean, Weims were bred to hunt LARGE game, right? Squirrels are not large, so I don’t get it.
Anyway, I did what I always do when I have dog questions: I googled it. Here are some of the best suggestions I got after typing in "how to keep dogs from chasing squirrels?"
"Give your dog a dead squirrel before your walk."
"Just let your dog attack the squirrels, let your dog tear ’em up the little bastards!"
"Perhaps you could de sensitize your dog by showing him some squirrel porn (sure there must be some on the net) with images of such hardcore squirrel action seared into his brain he may react with quiet moral outrage or embarrassment. In future encounters he should walk past squirrels confidently but tutting in disapproval."
Right. I’m going to definitely try that last one.
Today’s news also tells the story of three stray dogs in India saving a newborn out of a pile of rubbish. And yet people in a lot of eastern countries still don’t see the benefit of dogs. Quel dommage.
Thurs Apr 24 – While Americans have had enough of Barbie, South Koreans can’t get enough of drug-sniffing yellow labs. According to the National Geographic News:
The Korean Customs Service today unveiled seven golden Labrador
retrievers cloned from a skilled drug-sniffing canine in active
service—a test to see if duplicates could reduce the difficulty and
expense of finding dogs qualified to detect drugs and explosives,
officials say.
I immediately looked at Mies and said, "I love you, Mies, but NO FRICKING WAY. One of you in this lifetime is all I can handle."
Fri Apr 25 – Something happened today, but I can’t remember what it was. Must take better notes next week.
Sat Apr 26 – Nothing happened today as far as the Weims were concerned. Mommy was in New York for the weekend, traipsing around the Big Apple and going to all the places she can’t go with two bad dogs in tow, like Broadway shows and Japanese stores in SOHO.
Sun Apr 27 – Ditto.
Mon Apr 28 – Ditto.