Was Zum Teufel?!
Tues Apr 08 – During this week filled with cherry blossoms, two-faced babies, deflated testicles, and thousands of canceled flights, today begins with Oslo telling me about this tracking test in Georgia that he read about online at Macon.com:
The dogs were on a variable-surface tracking test, the toughest tracking test given by the American Kennel Club. It’s so tough that in the 12 years it has been given, 5,000 dogs have taken the test and only 166 have passed it. That’s about a 3 percent pass rate for the final of three AKC tracking tests. Passing all three earns a dog the title of "champion tracker."
None of the dogs participating passed the test, but one of the ones who came close was a Weimaraner. A hot little bitch named Nani’s Cool Your Jetts. This was before Oslo’s upcoming castration (see Monday’s entry) and he was hoping he could meet Nani and help her cool her jets before we so callously robbed him of his manhood. But alas, no such conjugal visit was granted.
Today ended with one of my human children, Seth, getting hit by a car while crossing the street in Seattle’s Northgate neighborhood. Luckily, his injuries were not life-threatening. He suffered only a broken foot and sprained ankle. I, on the other hand, suffered a heart attack when Michaela called and said these words all in the same sentence: Seth. Hit. Car. Dumbass driver. Hospital.
Wed Apr 09 – While yesterday’s news featured photos of a beautiful, one-faced Grey Ghost, today’s news featured the freakish visage of a two-faced baby born in India. She’s believed to be some Hindu goddess, manifest in the flesh. I showed the photo to Mies and he couldn’t figure out what breed she was. "Is that a pug, Mom?" was all he asked.
Today also featured a trip with the Weims up to Poplar Hill Road (e.g., Will’s mother’s property north of Baltimore). There they romped and swam with their labrador cousins, Thea, Sadie, and Livvie.
Thurs Apr 10 – With Oslo and Mies recovering from their country ramblings, I checked out an article in the New York Times titled "Travels With Fido, and His Hair Spray." It talked about show dogs and the hours of grooming and plethora of beauty products it takes to get some dogs ready. I showed it to Oslo with a fond smile, saying, "Remember those days, Mos? Your days on the show dog trail? Kicking some beauty pageant ass?" But he just glared at me and then looked the other way. He’d heard me calling the vet earlier to schedule his neutering and was not happy. AT ALL. At one point, he started barking at me loudly, saying, "For what?? All those pointless hours in the showring, those endless nights in the motel with Stephanie, watching Animal Planet reruns. Parading around in front of those crusty old judges, having my balls handled and assessed like a piece of meat!! And now I don’t even get to use my testicles for their God-given purpose, not even once??!!! DON’T TALK TO ME."
Fri Apr 11 – While Oslo continued to fume about the fate of his reproductive organs, bringing anger and resentment to the House of Weimaraner, the Dalai Lama arrived in Seattle, bringing love and peace to the Emerald City.
Mies, on the other hand, brought a big mess to the living room. Digging through the lower cupboards while I was gone, he found a hidden package of freeze-dried mountaineering food, chewed it open, and spit out the parts he didn’t like onto the living room floor. I LOVE YOU, TOO, MIES.
Sat Apr 12 – In today’s news, hundreds of flights continued to be canceled. And this time, it was not because of feral dogs on runways. It was because of negligent airline mechanics. Was zum teufel?!
Sun Apr 13 – Nothing happened today because Will took the Weims with him to the office and I was left all alone. Well, nothing unless you count this guy falling into the crater on Mount St. Helens. Whoa.
Mon Apr 14 – Something HUGE happened today, but Oslo doesn’t want to talk about it. Let’s just put it this way: he will never get to experience an orgasm, has five stitches on his penis, and has to wear one of those stupid plastic cones and be on partial bedrest for the next week.
It’s okay, Mos. There are always neuticles! Oh, and today was my birthday, too. I got to go to the vet and pick up my brand new eunuch!