Was Zum Teufel?!
Tues Mar 11 – Lots of stuff happened this past week, but nothing happened today. Unless you count my remembering something I left out of last week’s column. Will and I were walking in Georgetown to get breakfast at Le Pâtisserie Poupon when we passed a group of three women. The one who could be best described as the bleached, Botoxed bimbo said in a loud, annoying, nasally, heavily-New York accented voice, "My sister has two dogs like that and they’re neurotic."
I didn’t say anything, but later wished I would have retorted to such a stereotypical, generalized remark about Weimaraners. I would have said something like, yeah, well, if your sister looks or talks anything like you, you bleached blonde ho, no wonder the dogs are crazy. For those of you people who don’t know shit about dogs, generally, dogs will assume the personality and mind frame of their owners. Neurotic owner = neurotic dog. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. The neurotic dog then spends time with someone more stable and sane and totally calms down, acting like a completely different dog.
I will also note that even though the women in my Seattle neighborhood were all yuppy and prissy-like, at least they did it while wearing Gore-tex and Danskos. Here in DC, Georgetown in particular, the women are just nauseating. Prim, proper, manicured, tanned, bleached and wearing GENUINE FUR COATS. That’s right. The better part of a dead animal’s carcass, draped across their backs. I’ll post more on that observation later….
Wed Mar 12 – While Geraldine Ferarro was ousted for fucking up Hillary’s campaign and our Clown-in-Chief was busy officially adding Venezuela to the "Axis of Evil", Obama scored in Mississippi and Mies scored in our hall closet. Once again, he picked the lock and helped himself to some kibble.
Thurs Mar 13 – Speaking of our Clown-in-Chief again, today’s news brings with it a YouTube video of G.W. singing a parody of his time in office to the tune of the "Green, Green Grass of Home." If you have not seen this sickening, deplorable spectacle, don’t expect me to give you the link. It totally pissed me and a bunch of other Americans off. Go find it yourself.
In more news, today I realize that I am probably not going to be listed as Typepad’s "Blog of the Week". I had submitted my URL a while ago and…nothing. After seeing some of the other blogs they’ve chosen (whose visual designs SUCK, by the way), I realize that part of the problem might be the lack of dumbed-down, saccharin sweetness to my writing combined with a liberal use of profanities, most notably the "F" word and s-h-i-t.
Fri Mar 14 – While the blogosphere was buzzing about that unbelievable display of insensitivity and arrogance on the part of the Bushies that I refuse to provide a link to, dogs in New Smyrna Beach Florida were being honored in the world’s first ever "K-9 Veteran’s Day." This from the New Smyrna Beach NBC news affiliate:
Former Marine John Johanson of Edgewater said the dogs deserve the recognition. He was a war dog handler and now works for a company that provides trained K-9s and handlers under private contract. About 120 dogs have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan through American K9 Detection Services.
Johanson said dogs are screened to see if they enjoy the work, can put in long hours and are enthusiastic. According to Johanson, the burdens of war affect the K-9s, too, adding that one out of 50 dogs will just shut down because of the heat or other factors and are sent home.
How cool is that?? Anyway, today ended with Will and I seeing a dog in the front seat of a taxi while waiting for the bus in Adams-Morgan. Encouraging to know, since dogs are not allowed on public transporation in DC. Lame, that.
Sat Mar 15 – While the Iditarod sled dogs were racing across Alaska through blinding blizzards and freezing winds towards Nome, Oslo and Mies were skipping merrily through crunchy leaves and golden sand toward the southwestern shores of the Chesapeake Bay. Will and I decided to get out of the city and of course, the Weims came with us.
Both dogs agreed that the Atlantic is warmer than the Pacific. And Mies was wondering if, since he has now retrieved in the Chesapeake Bay, does that make him a Chesapeake Bay Retriever?
Sun Mar 16 – Nothing happened today, unless you count all the racial tension surfacing between Hillary and Obama and Oslo getting into a gnarly fight with an English Bulldog at one of DC’s unofficial dog parks. Luckily, neither dog was seriously injured. As for Hillary and Barack? I’m not so sure.
Mon Mar 17 – As Oslo is now a certified therapy dog, today brings the Weims being left home alone while I drove way the hell out to BFE, also known as Rockville, Maryland. Why? To go on a shadow visit with another Pet Partners team. What this entailed was me, sans Oslo, following around this other woman and her Golden Retriever as they made the rounds at a nursing home, trying to cheer the old folks up. Most of the people loved the dogs, but some of them gave the evil eye as the team approached. Luckily, dogs don’t really acknowledge evil eyes, unless they’re given by other dogs.
Anyhoo, the most interesting part was when we were on the third floor, aka the Alzheimer’s unit. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever been around Alzheimer’s patients, but it can be quite entertaining. I worked in a nursing home as a teenager and always loved working with those who have no memory. As long as you never knew what the person was like before and have nothing to get all sad and nostalgic about, it can be fun. As long as they don’t start screaming and yelling and taking their clothes off, as Alzheimer’s patients have been known to do. Unfortunately, this is not a scenario our instructor was willing to replicate in our training classes: "Okay, now I need a volunteer to come up and strip to their underwear while screaming profanities and swinging this cane around." Nope. That never happened and Oslo wasn’t tested on that measure.
But the next time I go, he will come with me on his first working session. Stay tuned!