Was Zum Teufel?!
Tuesday, Nov 27 – During this week of sun, then snow, then rain, then rain, then more rain, then flooding, then wind, then the closing of I-5 between Seattle and Portland, we start this week’s WZT off with a Thanksgiving story from my friend Janet. Janet, whom I met while lamenting Frosty the Snowman and all the goddamn trappings of the holiday season a few years ago at the dog park in Belltown, is the owner of an old, sweet-as-sugar Weimaraner named Reuben and a young, snot-nosed Boxer named Brutus.
Now, Brutus isn’t a bad dog. He is just always picking fights and getting into trouble. And apparently, plucking whole turkey necks sealed in Ziploc bags from the garbage. And then, three days later, violently regurgitating the whole, rancid, smelly mess up, Ziploc bag and all. Remember how my friend Rocky and I were talking about dogs being great candidates for swallowing and transporting illegal drug packets? Yet again, further proof. Thank you, Brutus.
Wednesday, Nov 28 – In today’s news, the Weims watched with intense curiosity while the guy from Loew’s installed our new dishwasher. Neither one of them can understand why we have a dishwasher in the first place when we live in a house with two dog tongues at our disposal, ready to lick all remnants of food off of any plate, glass, pot, pan, or eating utensil at a moment’s notice.
Thursday, Nov 29 – With Barack and Hillary arguing over the best way to provide health insurance to those millions of American blokes and blokettes without it, the Palm Beach Community College has a better idea. Fuck the humans and provide health insurance for their pets instead:
After voting down a proposal to allow medical insurance for domestic partners of FT employees, Palm Beach Community College has chosen to offer employees the option of pet insurance. Is this a shrewd political move to force PBCC to change its tune. Or does the college truly value pets over partners?
Anyhoo, the insurance plan covers not just gray hunting dogs from Germany, but also hedgehogs, geckos, iguanas, and small flying mammals from Australia. Groovy.
Friday, Nov 30 – Nothing happened today.
Saturday, Dec 01 – Today commenced with snow flurries all over the Puget Sound and my having to drive 20 miles in these flurries so Oslo could take his Delta Society test. He and I are now a certified Pet Partners team. What this means is that Oslo will get to wear a cool little vest and ID badge and go into nursing homes and children’s hospitals to charm the socks off of and bring great happiness to little old ladies, cranky old men, and sick kids.
Mies was happy to stay in the snow-driven car while Oslo and I took the test. For whatever reason, he doesn’t seem to suffer from separation anxiety while he’s in the car. He never chews on anything. Lucky us.
Sunday, Dec 02 – Today started with rain and ended with…rain. We also saw our first siting of the SLUT (South Lake Union Trolley). When I turned to Oslo in the back seat and asked him if he wanted to ride the SLUT before we leave Seattle, he just blushed.
Monday, Dec 03 – Today started with rain and ended with…rain. While the state of Washington was declared in a state of emergency, the Seattle Times reports that chimps have better memories than college students:
Never mind that TV show that asks if you’re smarter than a fifth-grader. Is your memory better than a young chimp’s? Maybe not. Japanese researchers pitted young chimps against human adults in two tests of short-term memory, and overall, the chimps won.
When I read this amazing fact to Oslo and Mies, Mies just shrugged and said, "Well, yeah. But can they countersurf?"