Was Zum Teufel?!
Tuesday, Nov 06 – During these days of falling cows, dancing dogs, severed lips, and feminine hygiene products being used to treat canine skin ailments, Oslo and Mies started the week off on an intellectual note.
Oslo, who is helping me weed through my three back editions of the Sunday New York Times, found himself engrossed in a fascinating article about the Weimar republic: Is There Pop After Weimar?. The article laments the fact that the Berlin in Lights Festival, meant as a celebration of the city’s contemporary arts culture, is so short on pop music. Oslo, who really likes to listen to whatever Michaela’s listening to (even though he’s not allowed in her room) thinks that’s a crying shame. Mies couldn’t care less. He’s into classic rock and thinks pop music is for sissies ("I don’t care if you do have big balls, Oslo!")
In other news, some chick bit off some dude’s lip. Seriously. Mies read about that one in the Seattle Times.
Wednesday, Nov 07 – Today started and ended with the Weims being ignored again because I teach. It also ended with my smoking a hooka for the first time: cherry tobacco, I think. Seth bought one and we smoked it on the porch. The Weims were very curious and I could’ve sworn I saw Mies sneaking a drag when I went into the house for a minute. Oslo ran into the bedroom crying at the image of his mother inhaling.
And no, for those of you who don’t know shit about me, I am not a regular smoker. I do it maybe once or twice a year; lung-crystallizing cloves and now hooka. Legal stuff in moderation, that’s it.
Oh, and a cow fell off a cliff onto a minivan today. No one was hurt (except for the cow, who had to be euthanized at the scene) and I’m not joking. Google it if you don’t believe me.
Thursday, Nov 08 – The week starts to wrap up with news from a woman we met on an illegal run at Rodger’s Park; she owns Rhubarb, the little French Bulldog whose head Oslo + Mies tried to bite off as we walked passed her on Queen Anne Ave. But by the time we got to the park and my two little gray piranhas and Rhubarb were off-leash, you would never have guessed that there was a previous near decapitation. Instead, Mies walked up to her, sniffing her butt like he’d never seen her before in his life. Oslo ignored her, sniffing the ground for the scent of hotter, taller bitches. "I’m like Dad," he tells me. "I like my women tall."
He was further turned off after hearing Rhubarb’s owner mention that she uses Vagisil to prevent yeast infections in Rhubarb’s facial folds; it’s cheaper than the exact same prescription medicine for canines. For those of you who don’t know shit about dogs, breeds like French Bulldogs, Pugs, and Sharpeiis have loose, folded facial skin that needs to be deep-cleaned on a regular basis to prevent fungus infections.
Ummmmmmmm….no, thanks. I’ll take my elegant, foldless Weims over a Vagisil breed any day!
Friday, Nov 09 – Nothing happened today, unless you count news published that dogs can learn sign language. Well, in my experience, they can use it, too. I swear Mies knows a few obscene hand signals in both English and German that he regularly flaunts at me behind my back. See! Even the New Yorker knows this to be true….
Saturday, Nov 10 – Nothing happened today, either, unless you count the waltzing, salsa-ing, tango-ing dogs vying for a prize. That’s right, there was a competition for the Emerald City K-9 Freestyle Dancers. Google that one while you’re at it, too.
Sunday, Nov 11 – In today’s news, the Weims and I met an adorable blue Great Dane puppy named London at Regrade Park. I want one of those. For Christmas.
Today also brings news of Oslo + Mies finding a cheaper place to buy their raw bones (or for Will to pay for their raw bones, I should say). I usually pay hella too much for them at AJ Meats (I know, Jenny! I know! Sometimes I just don’t feel like driving way up north….), but now, thanks to some guy who owns some chocolate lab on Queen Anne, I’ve discovered a butcher at Pike Place Market that sells them for way cheaper. So, I bought 15lbs of them, regretting every minute of it when I had to carry that 15lbs plus deal with two hounds pulling like draft horses while sniffing out the cobbled Market streets for crumbs and savory morsels.
Monday, Nov 12 – Nothing happened today.