Was Zum Teufel?!
Tuesday, Sept 18 – The week begins with the unveiling of Hilary’s healthcare plan (unfortunately, no mention of dogs being covered by a single-payer system) and a story of a bear attack on a trail in Kitsap County. Some dude was riding his mountain bike down a trail with his two German Short-haired Pointers, or GSP for short (cousins of the Weimaraner, in case you didn’t know). The GSPs stopped on the trail suddenly and before the guy knew it, he was on the ground being munched alive by a bear. The wild beast chomped through his helmet, taking half his ear off in the process. During a pause in the attack when the bear was distracted (by the dogs, maybe?), the guy got a lucky break and was able to jump back on his mountain bike, getting the fuck outta there! The dogs, however, didn’t have bikes to jump on and the guy wasn’t waiting. Luckily, they were found unharmed soon thereafter by some other hikers.
Since we regularly go hiking with the dogs, this story scared me more than a little bit. So, I looked up what to do to prevent bear attacks. I won’t bore you with the whole list, just the advice I found particularly interesting:
“Do not make direct eye contact.” Ja, got it. I don’t make direct eye contact with Mies when he’s in feisty mood, either. Or Oslo when he’s all territorial and Cujo-like about his bone in the kennel.
“Make noise, sing, talk loudly, or wear a bell.” Sing? I can do that. I’ll have to come up with a hiking trail repertoire…hmmm, let’s see. Maybe “Hit Me With Your Best Shot”, “I Will Survive”, and “Another One Bites the Dust”, in that order.
“There are several indicators that may alert a backcountry traveler that a bear is in the area. Some of the most easily identifiable clues include rub trees, diggings, scat, and tracks. Identifying these clues may help to prevent an encounter.” Scat? What the hell is scat? Bear poop, maybe? I thought that would be a singing technique I’d use to keep the bear away? Maybe that’s it. You scat on the trail to scare the scat out of the bears so they’ll stay the scat away from you.
“One myth is that bears are attracted to the scent of a menstruating woman. Bear experts say that is rumor, not fact.” Oh, ummmm….well, okay. That’s good to know. Let’s move on….
“Leave your dog at home. Pets and bears don’t mix.” Okay, sure. I can see where this might make sense. But it sounds like in this attack, bears and a yuppie white boy didn’t mix. The dogs escaped unharmed. And really, what fun is hiking if you don’t have your dogs with you, anyway??
Wednesday, Sept 19 – This morning commenced with a 5.30a present from Mies. I get up to a couple of piles of clear bile and bits of plastic. But no blanket pieces. Thank god.
The dollar is also at an all-time low today against the Euro. What this means is that if I lived in Europe, the human-grade, organic, raw, yuppie pet food that I have delivered to my house twice a month for the dogs would cost ten bucks a bag instead of a mere seven. Ouch.
With Will gone and no one to do the grocery shopping or cook for me anymore, at least the dogs are eating well.
Thursday, Sept 20 – Nothing happened today unless you count my remembering a really funny dog story from last week that I forgot to mention. As Michaela and I were walking down Broadway on Capitol Hill to get an espresso at Vivace (probably *the best* place in Seattle to get coffee, paws down), we were startled out of our conversation by two dogs freaking out in an 80s model, metallic purple Volvo sedan. That’s right, a metallic purple Volvo. Anyhoo, there was a border collie mix in the front who was barking like mad and foaming at the mouth upon seeing Oslo and Mies walk by. Typical behavior for a dog protecting its territory. But the dog in the back was the one putting on the real show. He was back there with a stuffed monkey that looked somewhat like Curious George. Every time we took a step, he would get as close to the window as he possibly could, shaking that monkey and growling like there was no tomorrow. I found it so amusing that we went back and forth in front of that car about four times before we decided to stop torturing the poor creature. Oslo + Mies just looked at the dog, amazed. Then Oslo said, “Mom, do you think he forgot his meds?”
Oslo was also upset when he heard the news today about Floyd Landis being found guilty of doping. But it also made him very proud of the fact that he took his championship title naturally and organically, without the help of synthetic hormones or steroids.
Friday, Sept 21 – Today marks the first day of Fall. Which means the beginning of the rainy season in Seattle. Although this year, last Fall’s rainy season never really ended. I can feel the Seasonal Affective Disorder coming on already.
Saturday, Sept 22 – Today commenced with a half-hour make-out session with me and the Weims in bed. And before all you people who don’t know shit about dogs get all grossed out and freaky, it’s just hugging, really. No saliva is exchanged. Mies just likes to snuggle on the end of the bed to suck on his stuffed bunny (after he’s walked all over me and practically punctured my eyeballs with his dew claws) and Oslo nuzzles up to my neck, rubbing his scent on me and making cooing noises. If you don’t absolutely love dogs, you will never understand what it means to make out with man’s best friend. I feel sorry for you.
Sunday, Sept 23 – The week continues with Oslo and Mies being bad, bad dogs. Mies chewed up another of my bike helmets, and Oslo spilled my Sunday morning espresso while he was trying to act like a human by sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs outside of Caffé Fiore, one of my fave coffee shops. I was actually more upset about this incident than about the helmet. Why, you might ask? Well, since I only have 2.5 months left in Seattle, I’m trying to drink as much caffeine as possible, upping my daily dose from two shots of espresso to six. I’m very concerned that I won’t be able to find a decent doppio ristretto con panna anywhere in DC. STARBUCKS DOESN’T COUNT, PEOPLE!!!
And to Oslo I say, DON’T MESS WITH MOMMY’S DRUGS!!!
Monday, Sept 24 – Despite the striking workers at GM and “Iran has no homos” Ahmadinejad inspiring protests at Columbia, today was a peaceful one at 1934. It was also a good day for the Weims. When I walked them to the Bartell’s drug store on lower Queen Anne, one of the clerks saw them tied up outside and told me I was more than welcome to bring them in the store because “we love dogs.” He then winked at me and added, “ENcourage dogs, DIScourage people.”
So while I’m sitting here thinking up ways to give Bartell’s more business, Mies is drafting his first labor contract. He said if the autoworkers can go on strike for better working conditions, than he and Oslo can, too. This despite the fact that these dogs never lift a finger around here, let alone do anything that even remotely resembles work.